Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
