Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
