At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry about my life...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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