i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
