Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
