nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
