Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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