Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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