he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
honey bunches of taint.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
