The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
