We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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