I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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