how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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