I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
