drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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