end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
