before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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