Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
are you so shy because you have an std?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Boobs are out for the taking
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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