We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
