ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
