my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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