i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
