wrigley field is MILF paradise
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
