Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize