Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
