some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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