I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
