Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
