also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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