Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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