The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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