I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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