my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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