Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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