I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
