I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was CRYING into my vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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