We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
