I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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