You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
