this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
