We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
