I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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