pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
