Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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