Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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