three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
