No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize