He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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