Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
