i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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