Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
