What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
