so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize