Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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