Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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