I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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