It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
