Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize