woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
