fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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