it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize