I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
