last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
