ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i came on her dog
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
