We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
