She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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