omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
