I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
