Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
