The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize