i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
