When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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